The Fallacy Of New Year’s Resolutions

Why can’t New Year’s Resolutions be positive and not a form of self-punishment?

It’s January 1st. Everyone is posting and talking about their resolutions for 2026. A pang of anxiety stabs your chest and you consider the week you spent at Planet Fitness last January. Should you go paleo? Vegan? Dry for a month? Maybe get really into Solidcore or hitting a punching bag in a sauna? What about no dessert?

The real question is, how much do you hate yourself?

I reject our workaholic, bio-hacking tainted resolutions and instead propose we start our year off with reward rather than punishment. Why would it do you any good to enter the year like the pale monk in The Da Vinci Code? It’s time to normalize positive New Year’s Resolutions.

What’s something fun you’d like to do more of? Where is somewhere pretty you’d like to visit? Maybe there’s something you’d like to buy, even if it’s a bit reckless. Not everything needs to be a hustle, and the more we’re reminded of that the better.

For example, I decided that this year I want to invest in more sneakers and tattoos. Is there any utility to be gained from this? Marginally. Is this financially responsible? Not even a little. Is there joy and excitement to be had? Absolutely.

I haven’t even purchased anything yet, and I’m giddy. Brainstorming tattoo designs and scrolling through Adidas or New Balance is nearly just as sweet as getting the real thing. So, take your time and milk it (that’s what she said). ‘She’ being your New Year’s Resolution fairy godmother, that is.

Happy 2026.